#0023 Making new strides

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Hey loved ones,

How's your week been?

Summer holidays

Does anyone else feel like the summer holidays crept us on us?

Usually, weeks in advance, I'd have created a spreadsheet that would account for every day of the six weeks holiday. I'm currently coercing my sister-wife-friend into creating a WhatsApp group of mums so we can pull together ideas and - possibly - get group discounts by doing trips together and sharing the load. So I'll be nervously flying blind this holiday. Let me know if you have any ideas on how you'll be navigating the summer and I'll share mine in the coming weeks.

I made a mistake...

When talking about the England vs Switzerland match in the last edition, I incorrectly omitted Cole Palmer as one of the Black men that contributed to England’s 5:2 penalty victory. I didn’t realise that Cole’s grandfather is from St. Kitt’s and could quite comfortably rival me in the melanin stakes. It’s a lesson that you can’t make assumptions at face value. So that was my mistake.

Learning new lessons

You know when they say people can do more for you in a short period than others who have known you for years? I’m being schooled every day by Mr MOT. I’m genuinely thinking of getting a T-shirt that says “I’ve been MOT’d” because we’re engaging each other in a way that is so natural and connected.

For those of you who’ve missed the play, Mr MOT is the outcome of an experiment I did a month ago with online dating. You can read about it in Edition #19 If AI ruled my world. I think there’s something different about Juanita who dated in my 30s as opposed to Juanita dating at 40. My 30s felt like a baptism of fire but taught me what I did (and didn't) want. However, Mr MOT is so radically different to anyone before - bar my eldest’s dad - which could be attributed to his values as a man and how he treats me. His openess to communicate - and the beautiful way he does it - our shared cultural references, our instant comfortability and chemistry. It is a lot, Loved One. Seriously.

My favourite thing is that he's undoing some of the negative stories I curated about myself and men. The things others never ‘got’ or critiqued me on, he instantly understood and he holds space for me. He affirms my value and, even though I'd already made that journey myself, to see me reflected in his eyes is powerful. He gives me the space to do the same for him as I see the way he moves in the world and with those he loves. We've spoken every day since we met, sometimes multiple times a day, debating the world and learning about each other. My spirit felt safe in his presence from day one.

It's still early. A lot can change and I reluctantly admit I'm a romantic though I've become a lot more guarded as I've gotten older. But the lesson here is to be open to letting go of the misnomers others will project onto you. To be authentically you and understand that not everyone can receive you how you'd like them to and that doesn't make you or them fundamentally bad, just different.

It’s true when they say when you know, you know. After a long time of feeling uncertain, it's so noticeably different when something feels right. And, in this moment, he definitely feels right.

Black women in politics

As I finish this edition, I’m watching things unfold in the US where Kamala Harris has put her name into the ring for the Democratic candidacy as Uncle Joe Biden bows out. In the UK, we’ve already had our own leaps forward in the number of Black women in Parliament but should she win, Kamala Harris, will be a multiple of firsts for America.

The comments have begun questioning Kamala’s credibility and qualifications to take up the mantel for the role and a debate as to whether people are simply backing her because she’s a Black woman. What can’t be ignored though is that here we have a woman who has held several government positions during the length of her career and is the current Vice President of the country and yet I don’t remember the same scrutiny being applied to any of her predecessors - though I’m open to being proven wrong.

How no one saw this coming is a little baffling. As soon as Kamala was announced as Uncle Joe’s running mate, it seemed like a strategic move to have someone who could actively pick up the job given Uncle Joe’s advancement in age.

Black American women are bolstering themselves for the potential blowback that they’ll receive in the wider world as this story unfolds and though it’s not our political race, the impact will undoubtedly be felt here in the UK. I’ve already heard someone rejoicing that this change will mean an easier win for former President Donald Trump whilst on the school run.

It’s one to watch but in the meantime, I hope that Kamala’s team are doing all they can to secure the safety of someone who could potentially be the first Black female President.

STORIES TO CHECK OUT THIS WEEK

• ‘The Darker You Are, The Less You’re Worth’: The Influencer Pay Gap - Gen B Mag

•  Goldsmiths’ redundancy plan shows a lack of commitment to Black British literature - The Guardian

• SPF, The Vitamin D Myth And Black Skin - Elle

• 3 Reasons Why the "Soft Life" Movement Is So Empowering - Psychology Today

• Labrum London links with Adidas and Arsenal for an Africa-inspired away kit - Fashion Network USA

Until next time Loved One,