#0028 Yeah, you can say what you want

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Hey loved ones,

How’s your week been? Has anyone noticed how frequently card fraud is happening at the moment? I had my own experience of it (after my mum went through her own drama last week) and was a little pissed that the Fraud team asked me if I was sure that I hadn’t gone on to a website and purchased something from a landscaping company in Nevada in the US. Thankfully my response meant they refrained from asking me about the other American purchases I had apparently made including to some random person called Rosie who runs a church. Thankfully I’ve been refunded and caught it early.

I also went to see Slave Play at the Noel Coward Theatre. People, I have never seen anything like it on stage. One, I didn’t know that I ever desired to see Kit Harrington naked (sorry but the hair. The beard. Kinda hot) and two there’s a reason why they don’t tell you much on the website. What I can say though is that my friend and I left the theatre and couldn’t stop talking about it. Even texting each other people’s reviews when we got home. The play explores the dynamics of sex and racial identity in modern day relationships. I wouldn’t recommend you go see it if you have a sensitive or prudish disposition but it was such an interesting watch. You can read my more in-depth, less gratuitous take on the play on my website. Honestly? It is compelling, shocking and thrilling far beyond Kit’s lack of kit.

Also thank you to a number of you who reached out to me after last week’s edition where I was talking about the stigma of being a mum with children by different dads. Your encouragement and embracing of the new format plus sharing your own thoughts meant a lot. I wasn’t expecting it so thank you for reaching out and always know you can.

There’s a couple of things I’d like to share with you this week.

Meet Subira Jones

First is a conversation I had with Burnout specialist and all-around beautiful soul Subira Jones. Subira is a compelling storyteller and wise beyond her years. A self-confessed stress addict who at one point was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, Subira is a woman who is curious and seeks answers. Her desire to see if there was a correlation between her diagnosis and stress led her to discover her purpose. As I say in the interview I always feel like I am cheating as I have the privilege of working with her. In this episode, she shares her journey but also talks about how we can start laying the foundations for what she calls a ‘fireproof’ career. You can watch the interview exclusively on my new YouTube channel and subscribe if you’re up for it. I'll be sharing a couple more interviews leading up to the rebrand.

World Afro Day

Yesterday was World Afro Day. First I’ll start with the not so humble brag that I was the first publicist for the internationally recognised day with my coverage reaching an estimated 1.2million people that first year (bows). More importantly though is what founder Michelle De Leon is working on this year.

Endorsed by celebrity voices such as Spice Girl Mel B and presenter Sarah Jane Crawford, WAD is asking the UK government to change the law when it comes to discrimination against people with Afro hair. Now when speaking to a few of my peers their first reaction is that we as a people have bigger fish to fry. However, if you actually look at the advocacy work Michelle does through out the year, you’ll realise that our young people are being subjected to exclusions because their hair doesn’t meet the school's hair policy. And we’re not talking about coming in with braids that are a different colour, for example, but young people with with locs. Some even end up in or are threatened with exclusion units unless they cut their hair. This has a psychological effect on those children. Mel B talks about being asked to straighten her hair for the now infamous ‘Wannabe’ video and refusing to do so. It happens at all ages.

As part of the ‘Fix the Law, Not Our Hair’ campaign, she is encouraging everyone to write a letter to their local MP to ask for discrimination based on hair type to be outlawed in this country. A few American states have already made sure it’s enshrined into their laws. I’d like to encourage you to visit the WAD website to find out more, use the template, and get in touch with your MP too. Every step is one more towards our peace of mind.

Direct vs. Rude

The other thing I wanted to talk to you about was communication. I think this thing about us ‘being aggressive’ has done a number on us (Or I’ve been my own boss for too long). I was having a discussion with my sister-wife (waves) about the difference between being direct and being rude. It made me think about what we are and aren’t allowed to do or say as Black women in the workplace.

One thing people have said to me is that if Juanita is unhappy about something she’ll tell you. I don’t consider myself rude - I’m open to other people thinking otherwise - but I know that I cut the fluff: what’s happening, what do we need to resolve it and what are the next steps? It’s the result of having to be more vocal in the workplace, particularly after consistently being somewhat targeted by white women. I have had many publicly “come for me” in front of my peers leading me to pull them aside and set some boundaries. They would ultimately go on to be my biggest champion.

But what I’ve always found interesting is that whilst I always remained professional and calm which was deemed offensive, I have friends who are white who have gone so far as to swear and in some cases have been rewarded even after their outburst. It makes me think about how very different it is for my friends of colour irrespective of gender though I think Black men get more of a bly. I think culturally we’ve been taught to respect hierarchy so deeply in our homes that it seeps into every facet of our lives. Sometimes that reverence being extended to our bosses or decision-makers can at times be to our detriment and disadvantage.

My definition of direct is being factual, unemotive, and not personal. Rude, dismissive, or abrasive attacks aim to wound, demean, embarrass etc. Do you agree? I’ve ‘coached’ (some might say badgered) people about the fact that it is ok to be direct.

Direct is clarity. Respect doesn’t mean you can’t tell things like it is, and it also doesn’t mean you have to give attitude. I think in some instances not being direct means not honouring yourself. It doesn’t mean that the other person has to accept it, but there’s something to be said about the satisfaction and peace that comes with speaking your truth. So I thank some of those women in the workplace who mistook my respect for weakness or took my confidence as an afront. They inspired such resistance in my spirit that it taught me that my proximity to you doesn’t mean I have to be less.

King Charles

Finally, have you seen this video with King Charles and the Black Ferns Women’s Rugby Team? Say and feel what you want about the Royal Family, but this is the most human thing I have ever seen come from them. It seems to have landed better than William and Kate’s frolic in the country video released as the latest update on her cancer journey. You could see that King Charles appreciated the hug just as much as the players.

Finally, finally here are couple of things that caught my eye on Instagram

• One father’s advice to parents don't live with their kids

• A perspective on being Black and disabled

• Imagine being a Black, female qualified medical professional and people mock your accent because you're from East London.

• This is the hottest single to come out of America right now (it cracked me up!)

Until next time Loved One,