#0015 Believe Black women

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Welcome to another week, Loved Ones.

I'll be honest every week it can be tough to decide what goes into each edition. There is so much happening not just here but across the world to women like us and some things are just hard to ignore such as the footage released of the singer Cassie being abused by Sean ‘Puffy’ Combs by CNN.

I'm not going to dwell too much on it and I highly recommend you avoid watching the video which unfortunately I've seen more times than I think is healthy. What I will say though is that as someone who has witnessed domestic abuse up close it was hard to swallow. I know first hand how it leaves a lifetime of scars not only for the victim but those around them so I dread to think how Cassie's daughters will feel when they'll inevitably be old enough to see the footage for themselves. After all, nothing is ever truly wiped from the internet right?

In the UK, public figures such as Dawn Butler MP and social commentator Kelechi Okafor were at the High Court supporting Ella Janneh who was allegedly sexually assaulted by a therapist claiming that by penetrating her he'd heal her previous sexual traumas. The case is currently ongoing. What pisses me off the most is the audacity and entitlement of the men in these cases.

Abuse is not race nor gender biased, however, I created this space because I wanted to actively acknowledge Black women's stories. Abuse is something that happens to Black women frequently and we are often subjected to interrogation and gaslighting when we speak our truth.

When an inappropriate incident happened to me at work, I remember being told it wasn't as bad as I thought. I waited until I was leaving before I told someone in HR, another Black woman, who was devestated that I hadn't said anything earlier. It doesn't compare to Cassie and Ella's cases but it leaves a relative mark. What is clear though is abuse can happen to anyone.

The strong Black women trope can make it difficult to show our vulnerability and as a coach shared with me recently, sometimes victims themselves can miss the signs because we're told we're overreacting or others invalidate our experiences. However, when we do recognise it, it's important to find safe spaces where we can be heard and most importantly be believed. If you're in a similar situation to any of these women, please know there is support in the world for you in organisations such as Rise UK or you can call Refuge's National Domestic Abuse Helpline 0808 2000 247, available 24 hours a day 7 days a week for free, confidential specialist support.

Sorry it was a tough one this week but it needed to be said.

Until next week, Loved Ones

I've chosen a children's book for the first time in our recommendations. Grandma's Locs was written by Karen Arthur for her grandson Keiko to celebrate how his hair is part of his history and identity as a child of dual heritage.

Here's the synopsis:

Discover the magical bond between a loving grandma and her curious young grandson in Grandma's Locs! This vibrant and joyful book celebrates the beauty of natural Black hair and mixed race hair through playful adventures and heartwarming moments. Join the fun as Grandma shares the stories woven into her locs, showing her grandson how each twist and turn is a celebration of their heritage and love. Bursting with colourful illustrations and filled with laughter, this delightful tale is perfect for ages 5 to 7, inspiring children to embrace their unique beauty and the special connections that make family truly magical.

I'm biased as I've been part of this process - albeit from the peripheries - for a while. As the mother of child of Sierra Leonean, Nigerian and Irish heritage and someone who's had the privilege of reading the book's flat plan, Grandma's Locs not only speaks deeply to Caribbean heritage but the importance of acknowledging all parts of our history to enrich a child's (and our own) life.