The Black Female Narrative #0004: Life's Truths Edition

Author

Juanita Rosenior
March 04, 2024


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So, I have a few favourite months: May because it's my birth month.

June/July/August because there is nothing like a good nostalgic summer filled with sunsets by riverside bars and large glasses of white wine with highly inappropriate texts and a lifetime's worth of memories made. This country owes us like six proper summers, I’m telling you.

October because it's Black History Month and this month, March, as it's International Women's Month. Any chance to celebrate us I will take. To kick things off first is Mother's Day this Sunday and, of course, I started thinking about my own journey.

I've been a mum for the majority of my adult life. I had my eldest at 24. My youngest came along at 36 in the most unplanned and unexpected way after a family tragedy so I know firsthand there's no single route to motherhood and we come in all shapes and guises. 

But there's one parenting aspect that I've never seen any books on: parenting your parents or elder relatives, especially if you, and/or they, are single. 

Much like transitioning into parenthood, it’s something I've never been able to articulate. There's never a conversation about the role reversal between yourself and the elders in your life. And to be fair, I can't imagine what that period in their lives must be like for them either.

I look at some of my younger friends who haven't hit this hidden threshold yet and envy how oblivious they are. I was in the same place for so long so I recognise it. 

One day, you're living a relatively free life. The next? You're responsible for driving, shopping, changing light bulbs, topping up their PAYG phone and general tech/life. Sometimes I chastise myself for ending up being the man (or more accurately the proverbial Black woman) in my scenario. 

There are also moments though when I realise it's actually an honour to be able to support my elders. To be a safe and trusted space at this stage in their lives kinda makes me proud. I also realise the importance of not losing yourself in servitude to the world which is easy to do. Making conscious decisions to find your joy is necessary for survival.

Until Monday, Loved One

Juanita Rosenior, Founder and Editor in Chief, The Black Female Narrative

P.S. This is the last full edition I'll be posting online. We go fully direct into your inbox from next Monday, so I hope you'll sign up if you haven't already. A massive thank you to Marsha, Rachel, Vanessa, Jade, Natalie, Chantal, Desiree, Debbie, and Tinuke for reaching out, messaging, sharing and your kind words.

I've known Diane Laidlaw for a long time through mutual friends and her incredible websites for artists like ‘There's Nothing Like This’ legend Omar and my friend, the late rapper TY. But I truly got an unfiltered Diane through her podcast, The Black Spectrum.

At 38, Diane was diagnosed with ADHD after a lifetime of searching and wondering why she felt different from everyone else. Here's where I think Black women are powerful. Not only did Diane discover her truth, but she then began a journey to help others by creating the podcast.

As Diane mentions in the series, a lot of people - including those of us in the Black communities - are neurodivergent and never tell anyone. As someone with neurodivergence in my family, I know it can take a while to identify and even longer to accept.

Often categorised as a ‘behavioural issue’ and compounded by the fact that there is little research done on neurodivergent women, it is often left undiagnosed and unaddressed.

Hearing Diane's story - especially as someone I respect - was deep. In episode one alone she is raw, honest and extremely vulnerable, truly taking the time to talk through how her life was pre diagnosis, not shying away from the realities and impacts her undiagnosed ADHD had on her relationships not just with others but herself. There were times as I was listening that I almost felt like I had stepped into a private conversation that I needed permission to hear. But such is Diane's commitment to her truth and the possibility of helping those who need it that she lays it all bare.

When I asked Diane what she wanted people to take away from the podcast, she said “ I want people to walk away feeling seen. That's really what I want this podcast to do. I want to normalise these conversations around the Black and Brown communities.” And even if she never made another episode, I'm convinced that the gift of her story alone is making positive changes and shifting minds in the world.

You can listen to The Black Spectrum on Spotify and follow the show on Instagram.

Can we have some real talk on money, please? In a future edition, I'll write about my stocks and shares experiences because I think we should looking at residual forms of wealth building but for now I'll share a video one of my bonafides sent me featuring Benedicta Egbeme, who is a CIMA Qualified Accountant, Management Consultant and Business Finance Coach.

I watched this at around 01:00 in the morning - ignore my completely destroyed sleep pattern - and it was such a brilliant reinforcement of what my bookkeeper tries to tell me all the time.

I'll be honest, I have a mental block when it comes to taxes, which can make me shut down, so I really appreciated Benedicta’s accessible and conversational insights into our tax system.

She is absolutely right that no one ever gets training on what your payslips mean and from 18 you're pretty much left to your own devices when it comes to money - the falsehood of student loan masquerading as free money anyone? Really it's actually f***ery that you're never given a financial education at school but then thousands of pounds of debt before ever setting a full foot into adulthood. And your relationship with money only changes when you take hold of your financial learning.

Sometimes, the learnings are in plain sight. See that whole PPE scandal with Baroness Mone of Ultimo Bra fame? It is a lesson in how the 1% (or nearabouts) keep as much of what they earn as possible. They openly tell you, and I write about it here.

Listen, are you likely to feel slightly depressed and wonder if you should move to another country after watching? Probably. I discovered on a business trip to Estonia last year that they have a 20% flat rate on business tax no matter how much you earn and free transport for citizens. It's only the cold, language barrier and severe melanin deficit that hasn't made me abandon London city. However, knowledge is power, friend, and when you know better, you (hopefully) do better so…

Watch The Take Off Podcast on YouTube

OTHER CAREER AND MONEY CANVAS STORIES

As ever, Black women continue to break barriers and do the ish…

Dorothy Koomsom has been a forever staple in my life. I still remember the feeling of closing the final page of one of her books, I think it was The Chocolate Run, back when she was a romance novelist.

I'd taken it out of the South Lambeth Library - my favourite place when I was in my tweens - and remember the actual shock of discovering that a Black woman had written it and one living in the same country as me. At the time, I was reading Margaret Atwood or Anne Tyler but Dorothy taught me Black women - particularly in the UK - could write books too!

Bar Malorie Blackman, we have no other Black British female writer as prolific in their churning out of books. In fact, I don't think there is a male equivalent for them in this country either. And now Dorothy is back with Every Smile You Fake, her 18th book.

Profiler and therapist Kez Lanyon is shocked when she finds a baby on the backseat of her car, with an unsigned note asking her to take care of him.

Kez has a pretty good idea who the mother is - Brandee, a popular social media star with a troubled background, who once lived in Kez's house.

Brandee recently dropped out of the limelight, and if the internet rumours are true, Kez knows Brandee's life is in danger.

Kez is torn. Should she simply take care of the baby as she's been asked, or should she risk her whole family by using contacts from her previous job to save this young woman?

You can get Every Smile You Fake and all our recommended books on our online bookstore.

OTHER BOOKISH BLISS STORIES

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Here are a couple of stories I've seen across the week I thought you might find interesting.

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